i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
