i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
be right there i have to get my cape
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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