I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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