his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
