Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
