I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
