Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
