just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
