so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
