Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
