only you would photoshop your dick
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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