just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my sisters under your porch take her home
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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