just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
