i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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