Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
