he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
