idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
BRING THE BAGELS
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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