Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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