I'm really into asian looking animals
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Randomize
