i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
