sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
