i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He passed out mid-signature
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
