the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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