your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
