Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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