I accidentally had phone sex last night
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
