I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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