It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
