I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
