dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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