Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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