After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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