I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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