I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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