Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
