I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
