Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
