Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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