I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
