two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
