I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
