What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
