I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
