Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
