Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
