genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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