She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
