go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
