Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
