david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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