I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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