wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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