SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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