rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
