remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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