i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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