I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
