your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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