i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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