A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
