fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
