Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
