if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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