i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
