the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
