did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You work out of a Hotel?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
