Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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