when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
