therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Randomize
