im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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