I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
