i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
