I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Randomize
