I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize