im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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