I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
