he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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