the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
