It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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